zyzyly (zyzyly) wrote,
zyzyly
zyzyly

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February 20--The Long Ride Home

I was in Thailand when my mom died 4 years ago today. She had been chronically ill for a long time, and fought every attempt to help her. Toward the end she was angry at me for making the difficult decisions that needed to be made.

My sister called me at about 4 am Thailand time to let me know. We got up and sat outside listening to the roosters waking up. Later we went to the temple to light incense. I took a picture of some flowers outside the temple, and that was my picture for the day. In the evening we went to the Catholic Church in town. It was Ash Wednesday. They offered prayers for my mom during the Mass. I think that was the last time I was in a church.

It took me a couple of years to forgive her for being so angry and bitter in her final years,and for some other things, and I stayed angry and bitter myself for a while. Peace came to me unexpectedly on her birthday two years ago, sitting on the lawn at a winery, sampling some port, and listening to an Irish band playing Danny Boy. It was as if a breeze passed over me and blew my anger and bitterness away. Those bitter feelings weren't necessarily replaced by positive ones, but they were gone, which was enough.

RIP
Rest in peace, Mom.
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