my left foot

past, present and future

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:59:57 GMT

I've been thinking about what to do about my various LJ's for a while. I have two "active" ones, ghostjourney from my trip across Canada and the US 4 years ago, myasma, which was my original journal, and various other ones I never did much with. Of course, I don't do much with my active ones lately either. I post pictures at lowflyingsquab every once in a while, but hardly ever write here any more.

I've thought about why I don't write more. It's not that stuff isn't going on. My life is probably as interesting now as it has ever been. Maybe I am just busy living.

Sometimes I think it could be that I wrote so much about my life for a time that eventually I needed to step back and give myself a little privacy. And back then it was more like being along for the ride-a sort of road trip through tragedy and grief. I don't feel that any more.

Anyway, I'm thinking about trying to wrap it all up in some way. I don't want to stop journaling, but I don't want to have all these dormant journals either. I'm thinking about going back and revisiting the journey, in words and images, but through the perspective of time.

We'll see.

my favorite angel

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:58:28 GMT

This is an alternate shot of the angel I posted on facebook the other day. I liked this one better, but ended up working with the other one for reasons I can't remember.

When I took the picture, I was thinking about it ending up in black and white--mostly because of the sky. One of my teachers was always talking about Ansel Adams and his dark, dramatic skies, and I kind of got sucked in.

This angel is in the Mountain View Cemetery in the Oakland hills, just south and west of where the big firestorm was. I've been coming up here for over 30 years now--it's one of my favorite places.

I still have negatives I shot here from the first photo class I ever took at Laney College back in the early 80s. I didn't even have a car then--I took the bus up from my shithole apartment with the million-dollar view overlooking Lake Merritt. My landlady, Mrs. Kong, would sneak into the apartment while I was gone and leave me notes--"clean your toilet!" and "throw away wine bottles--not in my trash!!" Like a mom-for-hire.

Anyway, I have all sorts of shots of this particular angel. It's fun to look back and see that although the angel doesn't change, how I look at it does. I like that.

"I am the Angel of the Sun
Whose flaming wheels began to run
When God 's almighty breath
Said to the darkness and the Night,
Let there be light! and there was light."

--Longfellow

a nice pair

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:29:17 GMT

I
Opusculum paedagogum.
The pears are not viols,
Nudes or bottles.
They resemble nothing else.

II
They are yellow forms
Composed of curves
Bulging toward the base.
They are touched red.

III
They are not flat surfaces
Having curved outlines.
They are round
Tapering toward the top.

IV
In the way they are modelled
There are bits of blue.
A hard dry leaf hangs
From the stem.

V
The yellow glistens.
It glistens with various yellows,
Citrons, oranges and greens
Flowering over the skin.

VI
The shadows of the pears
Are blobs on the green cloth.
The pears are not seen
As the observer wills.

--A Study of Two Pears, by Wallace Stevens

Boom! (better late than never)

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:26:26 GMT

Desktop Meme

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 15:09:47 GMT

1: Anyone who looks at this entry should post this meme and their current wallpaper at their LiveJournal.
2: Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper.
3: Don't change your wallpaper before doing this. The point is to see what you had on (shorts and a t-shirt).

This is an image of a Buddhist nun I took in Cambodia a few years ago. It is, I suppose, my favorite photograph. I love her serene smile.

If you look in the top right corner of my desktop, you will see a pdf of a pistachio gelato recipe. I can't make it because I can't find an essential ingredient. Send me a tube of Bronte Pistachio paste, and I'll send you a print of the nun photograph! :)

beginning our real lives

Mon, 25 May 2009 14:09:32 GMT

We knew we had to legalize our marriage in order to be able to do the paperwork that allows Malida to stay here beyond the three months allowed by her fiancee visa. We just hadn't really planned anything out beyond her getting here.

Most of the time she's been here, we've been sightseeing and getting used to each other. It's been fun, but more like being on vacation that being in a long-term relationship.

Anyway, after having an argument about something else and not talking to each other for a day, we began to talk about what we wanted to do. She was (understandably) a little nervous about being here and not really having a plan, and pretty much being dependent on me for everything.

So we sat down and made a plan. The first thing was to get married. We wanted it simple, so we decided to go to the courthouse and just do it. I made an appointment at the courthouse, and we went out and shopped for rings.

We went down there first thing wednesday morning. It was pretty easy. We stood before the county recorder and said some simple vows, exchanged rings, and that was it. After we were done, we went to the park and took some pictures, and then went to the International House of Pancakes for breakfast.

We came home and made some sticky rice and pork, then got in the car and headed for Yosemite. We spent the first night outside the park in a town called Mariposa.

We went to dinner at a nice place with good food, and mentioned to the server that we had just gotten married. When she brought us the bill, there was a card on it from the owners, informing us that they had covered our bill. It was pretty cool.

Yosemite was perfect. We only spent two days there, but it felt like a week. Malida thinks it's the most beautiful place in the world.

Now it's on to whatever our real lives will be.

the view from there

Sat, 23 May 2009 20:21:33 GMT

atop sentinel dome

...and then we left for the land of big granite

Wed, 20 May 2009 20:36:25 GMT

we got married this morning (US-style) and then had a big plate of blueberry pancakes!

10 things she doesn't like

Wed, 06 May 2009 18:36:56 GMT

1. The million pigs in the house ("it's like living in a zoo of pigs!")
2. Mexican mangoes ("they smell funny")
3. Paying $6 for grapes in the grocery store (too much--very ugly!)
4. Thai food in the thai restaurant ("not yummy and too expensive!")
5. Infomercials (look interesting at first, then they say 'CALL NOW!'")
6. Using the clothes dryer ("there are many sun outside!')

"that's all now--maybe ask me again when I am upset."

10 things Malida likes about America

Wed, 06 May 2009 17:57:01 GMT

1. Waffles
2. The first season of Lost
3. "My garden with vegetables"
4. Wing Wah asian market
5. Galt farmer's market
6. The espresso maker
7. The california coast
8. Big roses
9. Walking to the park
10. Sitting in the sun in the morning time with husband

what we've been doing

Fri, 01 May 2009 00:21:29 GMT

all is well. :)

bye bye bangkok!

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 10:16:54 GMT

We're in Taiwan, waiting for our flight home.

I was a little anxious this morning--the protests in Bangkok heated up overnight, and they had shut down the train station and a bunch of roads, but not the one to the airport. We left the hotel early and got there without any problems, but there were a bunch of police and troops lining the road near the airport, anticipating trouble.

I didn't really relax until we were in the air.

Just as the plane took off, I heard Malida whisper, "bye-bye Bangkok--I see you again."

faces of the village part 2

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 01:33:57 GMT

rod--the husband of malida's grandma, and village elder.

faces of the village

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:37:40 GMT

pal--about 9 years old. she is very quiet.

the ties that bind

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:35:03 GMT

We're in Bangkok for a day or two before we fly home. There are all sorts of political protests going on, but most of the protesters went home because it is a holiday weekend--Songkran, which is the Thai new year.

We went to the village yesterday and everyone gathered at grandma's house to send Malida (and me) off to the US. They had a string ceremony. The village elders and a bunch of other people sat in a circle, and passed a string around that connected everyone. One of the elders chanted something for about 10 minutes, and then sprinkled us with water.

After that, everyone there took a piece of the string and tied it around our wrists. It is both for luck, and to remind us that we are tied to the community. It is very cool.

I know it meant a lot to Malida--to have a place that is her family home, and to have people there who will miss her and think about her even when she is far away.

It meant a lot to me too. Each time I have been to the village, I have taken photographs of the people there, and when I come back, I bring them prints. Each time, more and more people want their picture taken. This is how I have gotten to know them. I knew the face of each person who tied a string around my wrist, and they knew me.

It's good to be connected.

breakfast in taipei (part 2)

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 23:36:33 GMT

it ain't pancakes and bacon, but it was worth waiting for.

waiting for my real life to begin

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 06:46:56 GMT

I'm at the airport waiting for the plane. It looks like it is about 15 minutes away from boarding. I want it to be taking off already.

I am too tired to even take a picture of the terminal, as is my custom. I was up early this morning to finish making the house ready and do all the things I needed to do before leaving. I went out in the morning to take Arlina's mom to the cemetery--it's Arlina's birthday today--her 52nd. We took her some flowers. Arlina's folks gave me their old car so Malida would have something to drive when she got here. I was touched by the gift and the sentiment behind it.

After I got home, I spent an hour turning the house upside-down looking for my passport. Yes, I should have had it all ready to go days ago, but i kind of put it off, and then couldn't find it. It was ( as someone predicted) in the last place I looked--inside the fax machine. I had to fax some pages of it about a month ago, and forgot to put it away.

I ended up not packing until about 30 minutes before I had to leave for the airport. I'm not taking much--just some clothes and a couple of pounds of yeast flakes for Malida's cousin. I spent most of the afternoon making sure everything looked presentable and neat. All except for the one room where I stuffed all the things I had no other place for. It's packed full.

So the house is ready, and I am moments away from getting on the plane.

Somewhere around three years ago, I sat on a hill overlooking Morro Bay, on the California coast. It was a beautiful warm day.

I had no sense at all of where my life was going. I was completely lost. As I sat there looking out on the water, I listened to a mix CD I had made. One of the songs was by Colin Hay, called "Waiting for my real life to begin." It's a great song.

It was the last line of the song that really got me that day:

"On a clear day, I can see, see a very long way."

I looked out and began to imagine a new life. Probably nothing like the life I actually got, but it was a turning point--the moment I started looking forward again instead of only looking back.

I am curious about how my new life will be. Not really nervous or anxious--just a feeling of being open top whatever it turns out to be.

Any minute now, my ship is coming in...

all these concrete dreams

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:18:22 GMT

all these concrete dreams

march19, 2009
san francisco, ca

"...and we fell into the footsteps of spring"

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 23:24:10 GMT

san francisco, near the dock of the bay

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:49:02 GMT

I finally saw the film "My Left Foot" yesterday. I know, it seems like I should have seen it a long time ago and been so affected by it that I made a whole series of icons featuring my own left foot, and nicknaming my journal, "my left foot".

But no. First time was yesterday.

At about 10 minutes in, I was thinking I wasn't going to like it, but changed my mind soon thereafter, and ended up thinking it was really good--particularly the acting by Daniel Day-Lewis and Hugh O'Conor as old an young Christy Brown, respectively.

That's really all I have to say about it.

click click click

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 05:23:02 GMT

I've been getting some more work from the alternative weekly that I shot the story for back in January. The art director called me a few weeks ago about my check, and told me how much he liked my work, and wished that he could use me more, if only there were money in the budget.

It's a tough time to think about getting into journalism. My local paper just laid off more than 100 people, including some of their best photographers. The alternative weekly had to lay people off too. How do you report the news when you have no money?

I don't know. It's not that there aren't plenty of stories out there. I guess it is a matter of what we value. 35 years to the day after Nick Ut shot the iconic (and pulitzer prize-winning) photograph of a young vietnamese girl burned with napalm, he was shooting a picture of Paris Hilton being dragged off to jail. What we consider to be news has changed.

Anyway, the alternative weekly needs to use photographers sometimes, and they have been calling me to do some of their stuff. It doesn't pay very well, but since I don't need the money, it doesn't really matter to me. I just like being out there shooting stories and meeting the people that the stories are about. I think that is one of the best things about it--meeting people you wouldn't otherwise meet.

It surprises me that I'm pretty good at it. I stress a little about the stories--about getting what they want. But once I start shooting, I don't really think about anything--it just kind of flows. The creative process, I guess.

I always like to get a couple of shots that I know aren't going to be used--I don't even submit them. They're just for me. It's the creative process, I guess.

good news!

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:40:31 GMT

Malida called me at about 1:00 this morning to tell me she was approved for her visa. She'll be able to pick it up on the 12th.

Insert big sigh here.

We both started laughing and being silly, and then I went back to sleep. It's such a relief.

She had her interview on the 5th, but there was a problem with her birth certificate. They sent her home to get it fixed, and told her to come back today. So she took the night train home and drove to the village where she was born and got it fixed. She took my advice to "grease the wheels" at the local level, and everything worked out ok.

She told me that when she was born, her grandfather was the one who registered her birth, but he didn't know how to spell, and got it wrong. No one noticed because they used different documents to register her in school, and to get her national ID card.

Interestingly enough, the misspelling only occurs in Thai--when it is translated into English, it is correct either way. The Thai alphabet has 44 consonants and 15 vowel symbols (which combine into more than 28 vowel tones).

Anyway, she got an affidavit stating the facts, brought it back to the embassy, and they said, "Ok, then." Or something like that.

Ok then.

So I made plane reservations this morning. I will fly to Thailand on April 6, and we will fly back to San Francisco together on April 13.

Where am I sitting on the flight to pick her up? Row 29.

drifting away on a magnolia petal

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:16:49 GMT

As I continue to clean house in anticipation of Malida's arrival, I keep running into these little isolated pockets of Arlina's stuff tucked away in drawers and in books and the corners of cupboards and cabinets. I know the stuff is there, but because it is out of sight, it is easy to forget.

Most of the stuff I find has lost whatever pull it had on me when I originally decided to keep it, but there are some things I just don't want to let go of. I don't have to let go of it--I just need to put it in a place where it won't remind Malida that there was someone else before her.

There isn't really a guide to tell me how to do this. It's not that it is painful, or even sad, really. It's just that I need to find the middle ground that lets me cherish the memory of my life with Arlina, and begin my new life with Malida without her needing to be reminded that I had an old life.

Anyway, I found a little note I made to Arlina on a Magnolia petal. She kept it in her bible.

"From Mike, To Arlina, _-3-96".

I wrote it under a huge old Magnolia tree that sits in a secret garden, tucked away in a corner of Marin County. It was one of my grandfather's special places. He showed it to me, and I showed it to her.

*****

I cleaned out the cabinet in the kitchen where Arlina kept all her medicine. I found the book where she wrote down what medications she took every day.

From the day she came home from the hospital after her diagnosis, up until 10 days before she died, she made note of every pill she took. She was very precise in her record-keeping. I guess it was because she was a nurse.

I thumbed through it and saw how her handwriting steadily deteriorated over the final months, as she took more and more medicine to keep the pain at bay. The last nine days are in my hand.

I looked for March 2, and found her entry in pencil. I looked for another March 2 that might have been written in pen (to show up better in a photograph), and was surprised to find that she was ill for only one March 2nd--the one in 2004. She was well on March 2, 2003, and gone on March 2, 2005.

I keep these things.

yummy and good and beautiful and perfect

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 04:15:42 GMT

malida has been enjoying her assignments, and has been attacking them with relish.

her second assignment was to think of something yummy, that she had never tried to cook before, and to find the recipe, purchase the ingredients, and cook it.

she chose spring rolls. it was something we ordered almost every day in vietnam. some were good and some were not good.

she got up early and went to the produce market and bought everything she needed. when she called me later, it sounded like she was having a day that would completely wipe away the memory of the boring days that had preceded it.

she made the spring rolls and described them in this way: "they are yummy and good and beautiful and perfect!"

she made enough to share with all the neighbors.

she took a picture.

help me keep Malida from going crazy

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:18:28 GMT

So it is probably a month or less until Malida finally gets her visa to come to the US. She's excited, and a little nervous. She is, after all, packing up and moving to a strange place to live with a crazy photographer guy.

She quit her job at the beginning of the year, and is now just kind of sitting around waiting for things to happen. She's getting edgy.

I was talking to her about this, and came up with the idea that I would send her something to do every day--an assignment that would keep her busy for an hour or two, but be kind of fun and interesting. We came to an agreement--I would email something for her to do every morning until she got her visa, and she would promise to do it.

The first thing I assigned her was a variation on the "25 random things" meme. The results were quite interesting and she loved doing it.

A few examples:

2. I love my family and my two dogs.

6. I want to eat whenever I want.

8. I hate rats.

Today, I assigned her to find a new recipe--something she has never cooked before--and cook it. This one is in process.

I can't think of a third thing. I thought it would be easy, but it isn't. So I thought I would poll my lj friends and see what you can come up with, since you are such a smart and creative bunch.

Got any ideas?

If so, post them in a comment. I will be forever grateful, and will eventually let you know the results of your idea.

she's pensive!